I am attempting this blog thing for the first time. Not really sure how to proceed...I have been inspired by the writings of my new comrades-in-arms: Samantha and Molly. Both are grieving mothers, just like me. Both lost their sweet babies to stillbirth, just like me. But unlike me, they have both been blogging for quite some time. They write so beautifully...so effortlessly. Me...not so much. Despite being an English teacher, I find writing about myself to be difficult. But Susan, you say...surely you can write---you teach writing to your students nearly every day. Not that easy, folks. I can write, sure--plays, screenplays, literary analysis essays, research projects, etc. But I've never been good with journaling...not so good at turning the writer's eye inward.
But my lack of blogging prowess notwithstanding, I feel the need to get IT out. A month has gone by since losing Will. Concerned visitors tapered off at least two weeks ago. Daily check-in phone calls are dwindling. And I'm okay with that. It's just that life is moving on...despite the fact that I am stuck. My heart is with my little Will, but my Will is gone and my arms are empty. Doing normal things like paying bills and grocery shopping and cleaning the house are overwhelming right now. Grief is the only thing at which I currently excel. It is my constant companion:
"Grief fills the room up of my absent child,Lies in his bed, walks up and down with me . . . " William Shakespeare from King John
For now, I'm done. This will have to do for my first foray into the blogging universe.