Saturday, June 6, 2009

My first attempt

I am attempting this blog thing for the first time. Not really sure how to proceed...I have been inspired by the writings of my new comrades-in-arms: Samantha and Molly. Both are grieving mothers, just like me. Both lost their sweet babies to stillbirth, just like me. But unlike me, they have both been blogging for quite some time. They write so effortlessly. Me...not so much. Despite being an English teacher, I find writing about myself to be difficult. But Susan, you say...surely you can write---you teach writing to your students nearly every day. Not that easy, folks. I can write, sure--plays, screenplays, literary analysis essays, research projects, etc. But I've never been good with journaling...not so good at turning the writer's eye inward.

But my lack of blogging prowess notwithstanding, I feel the need to get IT out. A month has gone by since losing Will. Concerned visitors tapered off at least two weeks ago. Daily check-in phone calls are dwindling. And I'm okay with that. It's just that life is moving on...despite the fact that I am stuck. My heart is with my little Will, but my Will is gone and my arms are empty. Doing normal things like paying bills and grocery shopping and cleaning the house are overwhelming right now. Grief is the only thing at which I currently excel. It is my constant companion:
"Grief fills the room up of my absent child,Lies in his bed, walks up and down with me . . . " William Shakespeare from King John

For now, I'm done. This will have to do for my first foray into the blogging universe.


Jeanette said...

Well done Susan. Get it out! I hope this avenue of grieving finds you some comfort. Please keep writing and we'll keep reading. Love you so very much.

Katie said...

I am so proud of you. I know the hurt is still so raw. I think about Will every day so I can't even begin to understand what it's like for you, having been the only one to really know his life here on earth. Love you!

Elizabeth said...

My dear sweet amazing sister. Love isn't a strong enough word. But's it all that I have. Love.
I hug you every day whether I get to see you or not. Hugs as you start this new part of you.

Misty Davis said...

Susan...I know I can never begin to understand what you're days are like. There isn't a day that goes by that I dont think about you three. I loved reading your first entry and am looking forward to reading more.

I'm excited to spend some time with you this you lots! And THANKS for sharing this with me...I look up to you so much!

Samantha said...

Susan. Your words are beautiful. So beautiful. So happy to see what you've written-- am happy to cry alongside you... Bless you, new friend.

Nelah Gabler said...

My baby girl, GraceLynn, would be 20 years old this year. Each July 24th still brings up guilt and disbelief. Your words have brought comfort to me, so beautifully written even today. It is the incompleteness that still haughts me. But my sweet boys saved me and still do. Well done in your first of many attempts. Love, Nelah

Auntie said...

C.S. had some powerful things to say, didn't he? So do you, and I know that your sharing will help you, as well as other, in the healing process, I love you, baby girl.