I know He love me, but I still wonder why...

Oh, this cup.
This cup I have before me contains my boundless sorrow for my little lamb.
And you would think that would be plenty. I would think that would be enough to have to swallow...to have to drain.
But this cup of pain...this cup of bitter blazing hurt has been sitting before me for a few years now. And I know He loves me...but I still wonder why...
Why so many years, Lord? Can't You let me see what You're going to do with all of this...so that I don't have to trust quite so blindly? I will have faith in You regardless...I have to---there isn't any other way for me. I cannot get out of bed in the morning without You. I can't face work every day without You to fortify my nerves. I am wholly and utterly dependent on You. And I know, deep down in my soul, that You only give me things that are good for me. So this awful cup is going to be good for me, somehow. And I am too human...too blind to truly grasp that.
And though I know You have a plan...my petition is this: Father, please intervene. I know You can. Reach into our lives and heal this. I need You so badly, and I am begging You to take control and bring order to this chaos. We cannot fix this.

Psalm 130
Out of the depths
I have cried to You, O LORD.
Lord, hear my voice!
Let Your ears be attentive
To the voice of my supplications.
If You, LORD, should mark iniquities,
O Lord, who could stand?
But there is forgiveness with You,
That You may be feared.
I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait,
And in His word do I hope.
My soul waits for the Lord
More than the watchmen for the morning;
Indeed, more than the watchmen for the morning.
O Israel, hope in the LORD;
For with the LORD there is lovingkindness,
And with Him is abundant redemption.
And He will redeem Israel
From all his iniquities.

If it be Your will....

Thanks for reminding me of this song, J. I love you.

If It Be Your Will by Leonard Cohen

If it be Your will
That I speak no more
And my voice be still
As it was before

I will speak no more
I shall abide until
I am spoken for
If it be Your will

If it be Your will
That a voice be true
From this broken hill
I will sing to You

From this broken hill
All Your praises they shall ring
If it be Your will
To let me sing

From this broken hill
All Your praises they shall ring
If it be Your will
To let me sing
If it be Your will

If there is a choice
Let the rivers fill
Let the hills rejoice
Let Your mercy spill
On all these burning hearts in hell

If it be Your will
To make us well
And draw us near
And bind us tight
All Your children here
In their rags of light

In our rags of light
All dressed to kill
And end this night
If it be Your will
If it be Your will.