Saturday, August 22, 2009

I know He love me, but I still wonder why...

Oh, this cup.
This cup I have before me contains my boundless sorrow for my little lamb.
And you would think that would be plenty. I would think that would be enough to have to swallow...to have to drain.
But this cup of pain...this cup of bitter blazing hurt has been sitting before me for a few years now. And I know He loves me...but I still wonder why...
Why so many years, Lord? Can't You let me see what You're going to do with all of this...so that I don't have to trust quite so blindly? I will have faith in You regardless...I have to---there isn't any other way for me. I cannot get out of bed in the morning without You. I can't face work every day without You to fortify my nerves. I am wholly and utterly dependent on You. And I know, deep down in my soul, that You only give me things that are good for me. So this awful cup is going to be good for me, somehow. And I am too human...too blind to truly grasp that.
And though I know You have a plan...my petition is this: Father, please intervene. I know You can. Reach into our lives and heal this. I need You so badly, and I am begging You to take control and bring order to this chaos. We cannot fix this.

Psalm 130
Out of the depths
I have cried to You, O LORD.
Lord, hear my voice!
Let Your ears be attentive
To the voice of my supplications.
If You, LORD, should mark iniquities,
O Lord, who could stand?
But there is forgiveness with You,
That You may be feared.
I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait,
And in His word do I hope.
My soul waits for the Lord
More than the watchmen for the morning;
Indeed, more than the watchmen for the morning.
O Israel, hope in the LORD;
For with the LORD there is lovingkindness,
And with Him is abundant redemption.
And He will redeem Israel
From all his iniquities.

5 comments:

Samantha said...

i'm praying. remembering. listening with you. bless you friend. hold tight, knowing He's holding you tighter, even in all the darkness. maybe especially. you are deeply, greatly loved. we'll understand it better by and by...

Jeanette said...

We can't fix it for you, even though we wish we could honey. But we can try to help if you let us. My heart aches for you as yours has for me. Nothing will keep me from fighting for you, even if it is in the dark. Love you always and forever, J.

Anonymous said...

Susan, I love you so her much. I am here for you always. Lea

Anonymous said...

Very...oops

Katie said...

Come Lord Jesus quickly! We need you now, not tomorrow, but tonight! Praying for you every minute. Wept for you this morning in worship! Love you!